The cloud of Evil Gases known as Hurricane Bumshot currently floating over Albania has been traced to a faulty toilet in a nuclear power station it has been revealed to NewsAttack.
The cloud first came to light four days ago when it choked a cow and gave three farmers third degree acid burns to the anus. Since then it has roamed parts of Europe damaging livestock, scouring buildings and ornaments and harassing teenaged girls.
Dr. Bartholomew Stewartson of DKR Evil Chemical Sampling Ltd. said “The gas is a mutated form of methane and sulphur dioxide. It has changed into a highly intelligent and somewhat vindictive gas cloud, a mixture that has become sentient, like a super villain, but smellier.”
It is not clear what it wants, apart from cows to be wiped out in Europe.
The origin of Hurricane Bumshot is thought to be a men’s lavatory in the Sizewell Nuclear power station in Suffolk. A leaky reactor pipe released radioactive material directly up a technicians anus during defecation causing his anal bum juices to evaporate instantly and form a hideous choking death cloud. It’s first act was to choke its producer, Technician Third Grade Dave Lomax.
“I heard Dave go into the lav, he had been complaining about his bowels, saying it was that curry he had last night on the lads work night out.” Says eyewitness Shaun Tyler, “He seemed to be in there a long time when there was a whooshing sound, a scream and then he was choking and I could hear laughter.
I rushed to open the door and a warm, moist breeze that smelt faintly of Old Spice and Vindaloo wafted passed me, it was humming.”
The government plans to use pigeons with incendiary devices strapped to them to neutralise the stinky threat.